Old Absinthe House-- WTF?!

OF ALL PLACES, the Old Absinthe House (no link deserved) should know better than to perform the "fire ritual." It's as bad as going to the Pilsner Urquell brewerey and having them insist on you doing a beer bong, or maybe ordering a Chateau Lafite Rothschild at Taillevent and having it served in a pimp cup mixed with Orangina. It seems all I can do is be that asshole who points out that people are doing it wrong. I wonder what's worse-- being converted to a daiquiri bar or submitting to the crapsinthe sham?

Drink Your Booze, Burn Your Fuel

Not the other way around!

With so many people finding absinthe available in the U.S., it's important that newcomers understand that the Czech fire show done with inferior absinthes may be fun when you're on vacation in Prague, but it is a party trick akin to beer bongs, keg stands, body shots, cement mixers, and its original inspiration in the 1990's: flaming Sambuca shots. Those games don't relate at all to how you would normally drink beer or spirits.

Thankfully, real absinthe distributors are taking the opportunity to explain the proper way to drink absinthe-- diluted or mixed in a cocktail. Ordering Kübler last night at Dalva, I asked "You don't burn it, do you?" and the bartender replied, "No, this isn't Czech garbage." Right answer!

So why not burn absinthe?

• In its heyday, people drank their absinthe diluted with water-- they did not burn it-- no matter what the Czech producers may try to tell you,
• It's DANGEROUS (see photo, via Static),
• It is a waste of alcohol,
• It does not encourage the absinthe to louche-- any cloudiness the caramelized sugar adds to the drink is not a louche effect at all.

Crapsinthe, or "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them"

Part of what this blog is about is trying to draw a line between real absinthe and, for lack of a better term, crapsinthe-- absinthe made without regard to its history, marketed with a pack of falsehoods either through ignorance or deceit.

Czech "absinth" and "absynth," sold with untested thujone claims, are so foul, it's no wonder they do a fire show and a shot to distract from the taste. Claims of crazy times make sense-- shots of warm, high proof alcohol go straight to the head, making for a surreal drunk buzz.

The commercial crapsinthe folks have been more active lately, setting up spam sites for search results, making false statements and claims and leveling false accusations against real absintheurs in their shill blogs and forum postings. I wonder if just one person is posting and selling the same fluorescent mouthwash under a dozen brand names...

It all comes out in the end, it seems, if absinthe's recent press coverage is an indicator-- any decent reporter figures out early on the flawed logic of the crapsinthe peddlers and pays them no attention.

Update: It might seem that the czechabsinthe blog hosts some interesting conversations, but many comments have been censored. One censored comment was a reply by T.A. Breaux which Alan spotted and saved before it was removed by the host.

LiquorSnob Absinthe Reviews

The folks over at Liquor Snob have posted astute reviews of two Artemisias (La Clandestine and La Capricieuse) and three Duplais' (Blanche, Balance, and Verte). They preferred La Clandestine over La Capricieuse (as do I-- coriander?), and the Blanche was their favorite of the Duplais' for "day to day" drinking.

Curious how they'd compare the Duplais Verte to La Clandestine, but I'm psyched that that they picked the Duplais Blanche over the vertes for, well, political reasons: I think absinthe can only enter the U.S. market if people grow to think of it as more related to gin (martini==cool) than to Everclear (purple punch==ambulance). In addition to colored absinthes being more strongly flavored, demanding green absinthe makes the market too susceptible to the new horrible Czech "absinth tradition" since the concentrations needed for properly colored absinthe to enter the U.S. market (~68%?) won't fly, so to be green, it would have to be artificially colored. Tough pickle...

ROTFLMAO on Tribe! (or, "What Not To Do")

Hilarious thread on the Absinthe "tribe" started by Kurt about his "DIY batch #3." I (thought I) was politely guiding him to Oxy's FAQ when he got huffy and insulting-- this is what makes the internets so rich! My favorite parts:

"...your opinion is wrong. I neither acknowledge nor respect your authority."

"simulacrum" [really? wow!]

"If I want your opinions, I'll ask for them."

"Expressing an opinion [...] is orthogonal to the intentions of this thread. Such expressions are distractions."

"I'm sorry you are confused."

I can't help bursting out in laughter when he says "simulacrum" and "orthogonal"-- makes milk shoot out of my nose!

More lousy absinthe

"Hapsburg" Absinthe Premium Reserve at 89.9% abv, part of the idiotic absinthe line at Wine and Spirits International, Inc., (weak) branding by Pemberton & Whitefoord.

It seems like fluorescent blue-green absinthe (on fire!) is here to stay, gauging by Flickr's absinthe photos.

Burning absinthe in Paris

It doesn't appear to be a crime, sadly. Scott Joseph, restaurant critic for the Orlando Sentinel, compares the Absinthe Bistro in Orlando to L'Absinthe Cafe in Paris:

He brought to the table a glass, a carafe containing the liquor, a special silver-plated spoon, a sugar cube and a device called an absinthe fountain. He rested the spoon, which is flat and slotted and resembles a cake cutter, over the lip of the glass and put the sugar cube on the spoon. Then he poured the absinthe from the carafe over the sugar cube and into the glass. Then he set the sugar cube on fire, the blue flames licking into the glass.

The fire part of the ceremony, it should be noted, is more theatrics than necessary. In fact, aficionados say setting the sugar cube on fire ruins the flavor. But I was in no position to argue with the man.

Interesting to see how the "ritual" has been bastardized by Czechsinth.

Suckers....

In New Orleans recently, I wandered into a bar next to the cathedral, attracted by the large "WE HAVE ABSINTHE!" sign. When I asked what they had, I was poured a glass of Absente (ouch) in which a spoon was dipped and lit (double ouch) as I wheezed "wait". No point making a stink, and it was a delicious enough pastis, but I couldn't leave without explaing to the (very uninterested) bartender that it wasn't, in fact, absinthe.

Seems like folks get suckered a lot by "people in the know" who stand to gain from either deception or ignorance. It was interesting to read an article this morning about a bar in Orlando which appears as well to serve Absente as "absinthe," sans qualifiers or shame.

Appropriate (and timely) to see the new Absinthe Suckers tribe started by Alan.